Shame on me

Sunday went well, I thought. I made it through class with only a small puddle forming beneath me. And my voice only cracked and faded a few times. I can only pray that my words were heard but now only time will tell if they are heeded.

It was odd. The whole thing. Last class. Same kids. Familiar surroundings. Regular time slot. A passionate voice sharing his last words with a group of teens he has called his own for over 13 years. I imagine that 90% plus of the kids in the room could not even remember the name of the youth minister who preceded me. I must have a tremendous influence on these kids. Some weren't even born when I arrived here. I changed their diapers. They've puked on my shoulder and peed in my lap. Surely they are listening to me! Its my last day, for heaven's sake. Right?!

I know this may sound really grandiose, but I'll risk it. I felt like I got a shot at feeling a little like Jesus for just a moment. I was trying with al my might to convince the gathered group to sign on to the "Great Adventure" and they looked at me like I was just a few fries short of a Happy Meal. I poured out the Gospel News that changes everything with what I felt was the eternal undying passion of God and they looked like I was reading yesterday's news in monotone.

Lord, I am soooooo sorry. I can't even begin to fathom what it must have been for you on those days. I'm such a wiener, I complain about everything.

On a lighter note; I watched Evan Almighty today (twice). Its much more a family movie than Bruce Almighty with its sexual innuendo and rawer humor. While still a stretch to absorb all the stuff in the flick, I was still struck with one unavoidable lesson. I can not imagine what life must have been like for Noah as he labored for years to build the Ark when it had never rained. The ridicule, and jeering must have been immense.

So many have done so much to provide me an easier path for my faith. May I find the strength to plow a path for those who might follow me on this journey.

One last post ...

Tomorrow will be my last official Sunday as a youth minister. I don't know where to start with my feelings or thoughts. Emotionally I feel somewhat stable, in control, and all the right things, I think. Inside I also feel very fragile. Really ready to break. So much of what is to be done is still undone. Lives that still cry out. Unfinished business. Incomplete projects. Lessons to be taught. Lessons to be learned.

Tomorrow will be less than all I want it to be. I must face that fact. I want everyone here to know Jesus, to respond to Jesus, to be changed by Jesus. That sounds either terribly selfish or self promoting, but is not intended that way.

I'm reminded of a scene from a favorite movie of mine (Monty Python and the Holy Grail). A man with a cart is roaming the medieval streets collecting the bodies, found recently dead. He cries out, "bring out your dead" and strikes his gong as he manages his cart of corpses through the street. A man emerges from a home carrying an elderly man calling to the man with the cart. The elderly man is obviously not dead, and protesting loudly, "I ain't dead, yet".

I feel like I have so much left to give. I hope to continue in my "not dead, yet" state for a long time to come.

To quote my elderly friend from the movie one more time, "I'm feeling better. I think I'll go for a walk!"

Roll in the carts

I was thrilled to be asked to the communion devotional at UCC yesterday. I had been planning what I wanted to do for many months. Being the Sunday that we changed our clocks or "fall back" an hour just made it better.

Communion is a time of remembering and of reflection. I wanted to invite the gathered group to take a litte extra time to decipher the meanings of communion. I would have liked to have prepared four carts for the ocassion. Each would have been loaded with hot loaves of freshly baked bread. I would have left them in the back foyer to intice us deeply into an anticipatted moment. Also there would have been pitcher after pitcher of grape juice or some really fine wine still corked in its bottles (I'm not a partaker, but I would have loved to have had a "fine wine" (do they cork, wine?) In any case, instead of the guys coming to the front, they would have entered from the back ala' fight attendants and begun to serve each row with a steaming fresh loaf of bread and a freshly poured glass of fine wine.

Its not about the leaven in the bread, nor about the fermentation of the wine. Its about the time required to partake of these hugely significant representations of our Lord.

I wanted us to take time to ponder, like at a coffee shop sitting with a friend. talking about important, significant issues and putting the world and its trouble behind us.

I wanted to commune … not just partake.

Amazing Grace - My Chains Are Gone

As I prepare for my last X-files devotional as a full time youth minster my heart has been heavy with ... everything. Moving, a new church, making new friends, leaving many good friends behind. The dissappointment caused by my leaving, the excitement of moving. The finality of closing this (very long, and productive) chapter in my career. Moving my 11 year-old boy in the middle of his 5th grade year. Requiring a job change for my sweet wife when she loves her job and it makes her feel good about herself. Knowing that this last devotional will be the last deeply serious words that many of these teens will hear from me.

All of this has colored my preparation for Sunday night. I'm excited. I'm also overwhelmed with a form of grief I cannot explain. As I was looking for resources for the upcoming devotional and choosing the songs I want performed by Colter Hettich, sung in worship by the gathered group of students and the ones I want to play for ambient input, I ran across this video my Chris Tomlin. I simplifies it all. No matter how complicated the world may become, this really addresses everything of any real value. Enjoy! Be blessed. Take heart! We've been set free!

Amazing Grace - No Kidding!

A while back a friend shared this video with me. The story and passion with which this song is shared is inspirational.



As I listen I am reminded of a visit to New Orleans. The youth group and I were traveling back from a mission trip and our night's stay was in this colorful city. As we charted our course through the historic district (ok, I took the group to the French Quarter, before it got dark). We found a restaurant we could afford on our budget and we went in. Maspero's welcomed our troupe of about 25 teens and adults. I scanned the menu and passed along the limits to the kids so we could expedite our ordering. Before long the hurriedness of the day turned to nearly a calm. At least in comparison to travelling with all of us in one vehicle. I bega to peruse the menu and found some history on the back cover. Maspero's had been a slave trading house.

It was this place that spawned the thoughts that grew into my class called Auction Block. Below is an excerpt from a dining guide website referencing Maspero's.

“And on my left, the Slave Exchange.” — So say the carriage drivers as they pass by one of the French Quarter's tastier landmarks. Inside the bar-restaurant, where people once bid for slaves, you can now order some of the thickest, juiciest, meatiest sandwiches in town, and some of the hottest chili. ...

It was here that Andrew Jackson plotted the battle of New Orleans and later on conspirators met to foment revolutions in neighboring countries. It was also here that thousands of human beings, fresh off the slave ships, found themselves in the entresol (the hidden room tucked between the present restaurant and the spacious apartments above) awaiting their fates in the slave exchange below, where they would be sold to the highest bidder.

As Phipps sings the song my being is carried into the bowels of a ship. I am transported below deck to the smells and sounds of those imprisoned there. I sit among the captives. My shackles burn me as the flesh is raw from the salt water and sweat. I am stripped of my rights and my dignity. I am among strangers and friends, yet we all feel very alone as we hear the constant waves against the the boat for more than a month. I sit in the darkness wondering where I am going, what my life will be, wondering about my family, my wife, my children.

I can't help but wonder what the words may have been to this old hymn/spiritual. What deep spiritual sentiment of suffering and loss it must be meant to convey.

Resigned from Youth Ministry today ... gulp!

Today I announced that I was leaving University Church of Christ after more than 13 years and was moving to Lubbock (Broadway Church of Christ). Wow! What a day. It is still settling in.

Here's what I said.

In April of 1994 the University Church of Christ embarked upon a new journey with my family and I that has blessed us immensely. It was a move more clearly prompted by God's leading than anything I had ever experienced. That journey has blessed me, my family, and my ministry.

But this fall, along with the changing of the seasons has come a time of change. I have faith God's hand is guiding, again.

Beginning December 1, I will begin the next part of my ministry journey. Terry and I have agreed to accept a position with the Broadway Church of Christ in Lubbock where I will serve as the minister of "church life and outreach". This decision has come slowly. Only after a year and a half of prayerful consideration has it become clear that the Lubbock opportunity was something to which I should give serious consideration. Being a 52 year old youth minister creates an ever-narrowing passageway to other opportunities. I have always known that the end was "out there", somewhere. I remarked over the past several years that I was sure there was a date stamped on my backside, just out of my view that says "best if used by" ... with a date tattooed, indelibly. Neither I nor anyone else can see it, but no one denies its existence. It has always been my plan (or desire) to remove myself from youth ministry at a time BEFORE a group of teens, or elders, or parents, or even my own family decided for me. This demands that I remove myself from Youth Ministry somewhat prematurely, but I want to assure you that my passion for youth ministry remains undiminished. However, my opportunities to continue in this area of ministry, dominated by young men and women half my age, are just by nature of the way our churches do youth ministry, ever-diminishing.

This also points to the opportunity in Lubbock. I believe provides the next natural step for me. It will allow me to use my God-given gifts in areas I feel called in a church setting as well as to teach Youth Ministry classes at Lubbock Christian University. I look forward to mentoring and training those who will step into the paths I have walked. It is a humbling and invigorating thought.

I'd like to say thank you to everyone. Its not practical and it would take longer than the "elder's prayer". So instead of thanking individuals, here, I will say thank you to a few groups of folks. I want to thank the leadership of this church as well as all of those who have worked within the youth ministry (teaching huddles, traveling on mission trips, shuttling students to school after Thursday morning breakfast, those who have worked with LTC, fixed food, mopped up afterwards). Those who have prayed for me. The group of gray-haired saints who have encouraged me. Those who have gently corrected me. Those who have served alongside me. And those who have sharpened be as iron sharpens iron, not fearful to let the sparks fly.

You have loved, and blessed us. You have made it possible for my family and I to call this place home. I have spent half of all my youth ministry years at this church, and nearly half of my entire full time ministry has been here. Leaving is NOT easy. Remembering the goodness and warmth of the people of this church will be much easier. Please pray for my family in this transition and know that we are praying for you. I will pray this prayer:

• May we always be more focused and more concerned about the lost than the saved.

• May we seek the new and emerging stories of faith among the young and allow them to have a place above the accounts of those of us who have become comfortable with our completed stories.

• May our church life and future be driven by a reckless faith in an Almighty God, and nothing else.

• May we always seek to please and honor God, above people.

• May our hope be in the all-surpassing Grace of Jesus, and not in ourselves, our abilities, our past accomplishments, or our future plans.

I will continue to pray for University Church as I always have. For her future. For her health. For her deepening faith. For her leadership. For her ministers. For the body of people who are her arms and legs, and of course her heart. May her heart beat strongly with the rhythm of our Savior. May her course be set by the faith driven dreams of those who seek Christ unabashedly, in a world clamoring to be comfortable. May she be a beacon of hope to the world and to a generation of people who will follow us in this journey of faith.

As Paul said in Philippians 1 - "It is right for me to feel this way about you, because I have you in my heart."

I'm glad I'm not a middle school girl!

Not that I've ever wanted to be, but it struck me as I listened and watched a group of middle school females as they were inflamed into dramatic frenzy over ... everything (I started to make a list, but it was too, long). Bless their hearts. There's more going on inside their heads than in a Walmart on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Today I pray that God will give some peace to those frazzled places in the hearts of little girls, who are becoming young ladies. Prayer seems to be the only thing I really know what to do for them, besides to just stand near them when they need to cry.

Everything must change

Brian McLaren has always challenged me with his writing. His latest book is no exception. Everything Must Change does not leave one in a comfortable, complacent, or traditional state of mind.

I told someone yesterday that I enjoy reading things that make me argue, think, wrestle, and reapproach the status quo. Its not that I enjoy it, but it is stimulating. It often leaves me troubled. At other times my reading allows me to re-assess my priorities.

McLaren quotes a young woman from Burundi (taught by American missionaries, the traditional ways of American church) to say, "I don't know if anyone else here sees it, but I do. I see it. Today is the first time, I see what Jesus meant by the Kingdom of God. I see that it's about changing the world, not just escaping it and retreating into our churches. If Jesus' message of the Kingdom of God is true. Everything must change."

McLaren said of the Kingdom of God, "... we described the Kingdom of God in terms of God's dreams com ing true for this earth, of God's justice and peace replacing earth's injustice and disharmony."

Lord, heal my heart of its hard-ness. Open my heart to your will for me on this earth.

Even a fool like me can look good ...(ok, maybe just better)

Lance Tolar is a visionary and Matt Maxwell is a stickin' magician. Lance's idea and Matt's videography have yielded a rough draft of a piece that has excited me. We hope it will serve as a lead-in for the World Bible School iternet site. Matt took the 7 or 8 "takes" and frankenstined this piece together. Let me know what you think.

http://web.mac.com/acandleburns/Lance/BuddyPencil.html

Paul Potts. You Rock!

On a day when I was full of self doubt and frustration I received an email with a link to watch BRITIANS GOT TALENT and a guy that brought a surprise to the stage. As I watched the first time, I heard the man say, like thousands of others, that he thought he was called to do this. I watched as the judges and audience braced for another mediocre (or worst) performance. I was reduced to tears as I heard the voice, saw the passion and watched the faces of judges and audience transformed.

He left nothing behind. He put it all on the stage and blew them away!

When the world doubts you, go ahead and give it your best, anyway.

Thanks Paul Potts! You Rock!



I just watched it again! I think I will try a little harder today ... tomorrow, too!

The Hard Stuff

October marked the beginning of a new study for the teens (and for me). I guess the curriculum folks decided that October was an appropriate month for a study of Satan, Demons, and Angels. (did I mention my disdain for this month due entirely to the dark-side celebration we continue to support with our money, our children, and our laughter?) What are we thinking. Now I fear someone will think me an old fart for my views.

In any case, class on Sunday went well. The students were engaged as well as one would expect for our early Sunday gathering. At the end of class I showed a Winterfest video of a drama. It used the video to drive home the powers of temptation.



Later that day I encountered a young lady who is struggling with cutting herself. She's early in the game, but has fallen into the cycle of repetitive episodes. I confronted her. She says wants to stop. I am sending her to get help.

Some things I can not carry on my own.

A friend, truly.

I've just deleted two long paragraphs that meandered through too many words. All I wanted to say was, friendships are valuable. Keep them strong. Spend the money, set aside the time, be vulnerable, and you will be blessed. If you don't "get it", call me for the longer version.

Thank you Jeff, Ron, Kris, Lance, Lane, and Mark for for being friends.

Be sure to quit blogging, surfing, and meandering long enough to speak to one of your friends today.

Reflecting requires shining

The summer has been incredible. Fot the first summer in 14 years I did it without an intern. I missed the camaraderie, the humor, the late-night company, the opportunities to mentor, the HELP when everyone else had gone home. It was a hard summer, but it substantiated that I can still do "it", while some seem to wonder if that is true. I don't mean that to sound arrogant, but to those who wondered if I still had "a fire in my belly" for youth ministry, nanny, nanny, boo-boo.

Summer was easier in some ways. It doesn't take as long to plan a trip well. Parents have a higher degree of trust (most of the time). Kids don't try to be as sneaky. I don't sweat the small stuff as much.

I miss Camp Promise. The outreach to the needy, the unchurched, and the really good kids was a shot in the arm. Its a pain in the backside sometimes as well, but well worth it. I hope God raises up someone who will catch a vision for this camp. I hope it comes back and this time from within University.

We had a great talk among our staff this past week

Reflection requires something to shine. I need to seek shiny things. I need to shine for others.