Recently this question haunts me. From the the darkness createdby the present challenges I am burdened with despair (at least in my mind and my ability to understand my circumstances) . Hopelessness is upon me to a point of a feeling of potential physical collapse. I am crying out for direction. Crying out for help. Crying out in feelings of failure. I am weary of praying for patience and seek solution, ... resolve, even if not to my expectation and satisfaction.
Hold on, ...
I don't go to bed hungry. I have fresh water to drink. I have a house that in many countries would be considered worthy of royalty. I don't live in fear of malaria. I am mentally capable and emotionally healthy (yeah, I know what you're thinking). My children are healthy. I have two healthy grandchildren. My wife and I love each other. Just like everybody else, I lost most of my retirement in the recent stock market crash, but feel I can recover some or most of that loss. I have a job. I know I whine too much.
So why can I not seem to balance these matters in a healthy spiritual fashion? Such is the struggle of our earthbound human existence. I am reminded this world is not my home. "In this world you will have trouble" or maybe, "this world is not my home", needs to be my tattoo.
I am spending this morning praying through the congregations "response forms from yesterday's lament service. I was tearful throughout my reading and my prayers. There's a lot of hurting out there. I am not alone. Its not just my faith through which I will endure, ... but, if you will allow it, I will survive with the help of your faith as well.
God forgive me of my faithlessness. YOU are FAITHFUL. I am yours.
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