While I am sure the angels in heaven are never jealous, ... I'll bet they are anxiously anticipating the arrival of this girl! Wow!
Father God,
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, sound as pure, good, and Godly to you the she sounds to me.
Monday, October 05, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Slow me down, Lord
So much to do. So many roadblocks. Stress mounts. Incompetency, failure, and unmet goals fill my thoughts. Then from within, my heart desires to cry out in pain. But I must be still. Still and quiet. I must do the difficult task of soothing the urge to do more. I must cease, instead of pushing myself to labor. I must refrain from the urge for self pity, and hush the push to justify.
And then even before I can hear God's voice I can hear the silence that comes from within this peace. While bowed down the world races over me and in an instant, I am in the presence of God. I grasp in that moment I have hurried ahead and left God behind.
Forgive me, Oh God for thinking I have more (for me) to do, ... than you have for me to do. May I stay near and hear your voice to guide me.
May I find no greater joy than to know I have done your will.
And then even before I can hear God's voice I can hear the silence that comes from within this peace. While bowed down the world races over me and in an instant, I am in the presence of God. I grasp in that moment I have hurried ahead and left God behind.
Forgive me, Oh God for thinking I have more (for me) to do, ... than you have for me to do. May I stay near and hear your voice to guide me.
May I find no greater joy than to know I have done your will.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Will my faith sustain me?
Recently this question haunts me. From the the darkness createdby the present challenges I am burdened with despair (at least in my mind and my ability to understand my circumstances) . Hopelessness is upon me to a point of a feeling of potential physical collapse. I am crying out for direction. Crying out for help. Crying out in feelings of failure. I am weary of praying for patience and seek solution, ... resolve, even if not to my expectation and satisfaction.
Hold on, ...
I don't go to bed hungry. I have fresh water to drink. I have a house that in many countries would be considered worthy of royalty. I don't live in fear of malaria. I am mentally capable and emotionally healthy (yeah, I know what you're thinking). My children are healthy. I have two healthy grandchildren. My wife and I love each other. Just like everybody else, I lost most of my retirement in the recent stock market crash, but feel I can recover some or most of that loss. I have a job. I know I whine too much.
So why can I not seem to balance these matters in a healthy spiritual fashion? Such is the struggle of our earthbound human existence. I am reminded this world is not my home. "In this world you will have trouble" or maybe, "this world is not my home", needs to be my tattoo.
I am spending this morning praying through the congregations "response forms from yesterday's lament service. I was tearful throughout my reading and my prayers. There's a lot of hurting out there. I am not alone. Its not just my faith through which I will endure, ... but, if you will allow it, I will survive with the help of your faith as well.
God forgive me of my faithlessness. YOU are FAITHFUL. I am yours.
Hold on, ...
I don't go to bed hungry. I have fresh water to drink. I have a house that in many countries would be considered worthy of royalty. I don't live in fear of malaria. I am mentally capable and emotionally healthy (yeah, I know what you're thinking). My children are healthy. I have two healthy grandchildren. My wife and I love each other. Just like everybody else, I lost most of my retirement in the recent stock market crash, but feel I can recover some or most of that loss. I have a job. I know I whine too much.
So why can I not seem to balance these matters in a healthy spiritual fashion? Such is the struggle of our earthbound human existence. I am reminded this world is not my home. "In this world you will have trouble" or maybe, "this world is not my home", needs to be my tattoo.
I am spending this morning praying through the congregations "response forms from yesterday's lament service. I was tearful throughout my reading and my prayers. There's a lot of hurting out there. I am not alone. Its not just my faith through which I will endure, ... but, if you will allow it, I will survive with the help of your faith as well.
God forgive me of my faithlessness. YOU are FAITHFUL. I am yours.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Getting older and Parenting
Last week was a difficult week. I came home from a ski trip realizing that I was skiing with guys ten to twenty years younger (never a good idea, unless you are only twenty). Undeniable and harsh realizations of my own mortality were upon me. Now just so you know ... the mountains around Pagosa were fantastic. The drive and the fellowship while at the lodge were second to none. The snow at Wolf Creek was like I had never seen, twelve inches of powder the day we arrived. My 10 year old F-250 ran like a top and exceeded my expectations on fuel economy. We stayed in a condo arranged my Eric Babb at no cost to us. I had a queen sized bed all to my self. The view out the window was a Colorado postcard. It was the least expensive ski trip I have ever taken.
But then I tried to ski ... I didn't fall much ... I didn't miss the lift ... I was plenty warm, but just going downhill was painful. My geriatric knees and under exercised thighs seemed to make enough noise I was surprised ski-patrol didn't respond. At times I wished they had. Powder alone was bearable, but as the morning progressed the ruts and bumps brought new challenges. Every dip and hump brought unsolicited audible responses to my lips. I tried to keep up, but to no avail. By the time lunch rolled around, another wave of the white powder recovered the mountain in a fresh layer. I returned to the top of the mountain and headed to the bottom again. By the time we had made it half way down, I was toast. I went to the lodge to wait for the super-humans with my tail between my legs. At the end of the day I was spent for the weekend. I only skied one of the two planed days. The worst part was realizing I was in the worst condition of my life.
Part two
Raising children. I could have ended that sentence in any number of ways. Question mark ... Exclamation point ... or a string of nondescript markings denoting words I can not utter (or type). I hate to admit it. But it has been true for a while. I hear other parents alluding to the same feelings. I am tired of raising my children. There, I said it. I don't feel (very) guilty about it, either. terry and I have busted our butts and shortened our lives in the endeavor of training up our children in the way they should go (according to the way we have interpreted scripture). We know we aren't perfect, but we feel we have done a good job at being faithful to this quest.
I remember the day my dad said the fateful words to me. "Son. I've spent the last 18 years of my life telling you everything I knew about what was right, and good, and Godly. Telling you again at this point would be a waste of my time and of yours. He implied that I was always welcome to come to him with questions or for a request for a refresher. He was merely saying repetition at this point in my life was pointless. He was done.
It was a turning pint in my life. Somehow (in some twisted satanic adolescent terms) I had allowed my father's inputs to me about how I should live had clouded my ability to do or to think about what I should be deciding about my own life and choices. I still remember "grounding" myself whereby I "made myself" walk to work for a few days. Never told my friends about that. They just thought it was another installment from my dad.
After a few days of my self imposed punishment I began to realize I had a life to live and to give an answer for. It was the start of good things. Not immediately, but gradually I would consider one habit/indulgence/social interaction at a time and began to structure my life for myself. Notice I did not say "re"-structure. The only structure I had previously erected was my propensity to argue against my parents when I disagreed. I now was coming to the knowledge that my parents were just a small part of all the world was ask me to make a decision about.
I hope my kids understand that.
Its not that I am done being a dad, a father, a provider in times of need, a shoulder for consolation, or even a forgiver when the time arises. Its just that I've said everything I know to say multiple (or "thousands", according to my kids) times and don't want to waste their time, nor my efforts, anymore.
Ben, ... You still have a few things to hear.
Dad
PS I am still available upon request for continuing education.
But then I tried to ski ... I didn't fall much ... I didn't miss the lift ... I was plenty warm, but just going downhill was painful. My geriatric knees and under exercised thighs seemed to make enough noise I was surprised ski-patrol didn't respond. At times I wished they had. Powder alone was bearable, but as the morning progressed the ruts and bumps brought new challenges. Every dip and hump brought unsolicited audible responses to my lips. I tried to keep up, but to no avail. By the time lunch rolled around, another wave of the white powder recovered the mountain in a fresh layer. I returned to the top of the mountain and headed to the bottom again. By the time we had made it half way down, I was toast. I went to the lodge to wait for the super-humans with my tail between my legs. At the end of the day I was spent for the weekend. I only skied one of the two planed days. The worst part was realizing I was in the worst condition of my life.
Part two
Raising children. I could have ended that sentence in any number of ways. Question mark ... Exclamation point ... or a string of nondescript markings denoting words I can not utter (or type). I hate to admit it. But it has been true for a while. I hear other parents alluding to the same feelings. I am tired of raising my children. There, I said it. I don't feel (very) guilty about it, either. terry and I have busted our butts and shortened our lives in the endeavor of training up our children in the way they should go (according to the way we have interpreted scripture). We know we aren't perfect, but we feel we have done a good job at being faithful to this quest.
I remember the day my dad said the fateful words to me. "Son. I've spent the last 18 years of my life telling you everything I knew about what was right, and good, and Godly. Telling you again at this point would be a waste of my time and of yours. He implied that I was always welcome to come to him with questions or for a request for a refresher. He was merely saying repetition at this point in my life was pointless. He was done.
It was a turning pint in my life. Somehow (in some twisted satanic adolescent terms) I had allowed my father's inputs to me about how I should live had clouded my ability to do or to think about what I should be deciding about my own life and choices. I still remember "grounding" myself whereby I "made myself" walk to work for a few days. Never told my friends about that. They just thought it was another installment from my dad.
After a few days of my self imposed punishment I began to realize I had a life to live and to give an answer for. It was the start of good things. Not immediately, but gradually I would consider one habit/indulgence/social interaction at a time and began to structure my life for myself. Notice I did not say "re"-structure. The only structure I had previously erected was my propensity to argue against my parents when I disagreed. I now was coming to the knowledge that my parents were just a small part of all the world was ask me to make a decision about.
I hope my kids understand that.
Its not that I am done being a dad, a father, a provider in times of need, a shoulder for consolation, or even a forgiver when the time arises. Its just that I've said everything I know to say multiple (or "thousands", according to my kids) times and don't want to waste their time, nor my efforts, anymore.
Ben, ... You still have a few things to hear.
Dad
PS I am still available upon request for continuing education.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Small Groups (Mac VS PC, parodies)
As our church prepares to re-tool our approach to small groups and expand our definition of what will constitute a small group at Broadway I have run across some great resources. Here are four videos from a group called RealLife. Enjoy.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Speed Up and Slow Down - Read the signs
As I enter this Lenten season I am determined to be focused. I am determined to be engaged. I am set on being both at utter peace and absolutely becoming more than I have been recently. I've had a lazy season, filled with self-pity, allowing others to affect my mental attitude, and complaining about my outcomes.
I need to both speed up and slow down during this season. Speed up to do the things I am called to do and slow down to access the power and direction for my life.
I love what the video (below says about two words; immediately and solitary. The two seem unrelated as we see them typed. They are only marginally connected as they are explained. I believe they are integral to living the life Jesus calls us to. Jesus was immediate in many of his actions. He took personal responsibility and acted without fear. Second, he found his strength in his solitary times. Before almost every major decision, trial filled day, and as his days became more and more filled with the world's pressures upon him, he went out to pray. Early in the morning, late at night, and sometimes, all night long, he prayed.
Be immediately where you are called of God to be. Find times of solitude to gain the strength to carry out tomorrows calling.
I need to both speed up and slow down during this season. Speed up to do the things I am called to do and slow down to access the power and direction for my life.
I love what the video (below says about two words; immediately and solitary. The two seem unrelated as we see them typed. They are only marginally connected as they are explained. I believe they are integral to living the life Jesus calls us to. Jesus was immediate in many of his actions. He took personal responsibility and acted without fear. Second, he found his strength in his solitary times. Before almost every major decision, trial filled day, and as his days became more and more filled with the world's pressures upon him, he went out to pray. Early in the morning, late at night, and sometimes, all night long, he prayed.
Be immediately where you are called of God to be. Find times of solitude to gain the strength to carry out tomorrows calling.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The real question is ... Who will die first?
A couple from Colorado made a pact to be intimate for 101 days in a row (actually, they said "have sex" for 101 days). Amazingly it was the wife who suggested the little project. That certainly doesn't fit with our cultural norms. The interviews are both enlightening and a bit comical, just because of the subject matter.
I love the idea of 101 days of intimacy. Don't misunderstand, I'm intrigued by the thought of 101 days of sex, but wonder about, ... a lot of things like; just the time it would require each and every day, the creativity to keep it interesting, the stamina required to complete the day's assignment, ... it boggles my mind.
I think 101 days of planned, intentional, mutual, deliberate INTIMACY could transform many stale or even (nearly) dead marriages.
I over heard a conversation between two 50-ish ladies a while back. One remarked that she had heard that a husband that had sex three times a week was predicted to live much longer than a man who did not have sex as often. The two ladies shared a silent thought filled stare for a moment and then the other lady said, " Neh, its just not worth it!"
While the sentiment shared above is obviously true for some, I've got this feeling that if a couple starts this "project" the guy will be ecstatic, ... for about a week, or maybe optimistically a month. At that point my money says the girl will be the only one interested and the guy will be crying for some rest, ... if he's still alive.
PS If you and your wife (or husband) decide to "Just Do It" (the couple's new book title), please do not call me to report.
I love the idea of 101 days of intimacy. Don't misunderstand, I'm intrigued by the thought of 101 days of sex, but wonder about, ... a lot of things like; just the time it would require each and every day, the creativity to keep it interesting, the stamina required to complete the day's assignment, ... it boggles my mind.
I think 101 days of planned, intentional, mutual, deliberate INTIMACY could transform many stale or even (nearly) dead marriages.
I over heard a conversation between two 50-ish ladies a while back. One remarked that she had heard that a husband that had sex three times a week was predicted to live much longer than a man who did not have sex as often. The two ladies shared a silent thought filled stare for a moment and then the other lady said, " Neh, its just not worth it!"
While the sentiment shared above is obviously true for some, I've got this feeling that if a couple starts this "project" the guy will be ecstatic, ... for about a week, or maybe optimistically a month. At that point my money says the girl will be the only one interested and the guy will be crying for some rest, ... if he's still alive.
PS If you and your wife (or husband) decide to "Just Do It" (the couple's new book title), please do not call me to report.
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Thursday, January 15, 2009
Locked in my memory
Laredo, Texas. Summer Youth Mission Trip. Hot as blazes. Hard work. Trips to the "colonias" of the Mexican border town of Nuevo Laredo. Poverty. Hunger. Despair. Brown eyed children. Distributing rice, beans, and water. In the evenings we'd return to our cheap, but clean motel and air conditioning. Each evening the teens would lead the devotional time. On this night on of the boys asked to sing a song, a duet he was working on with my daughter.
That moment is frozen in time.I was blessed.
Hallelujah from the heavens
Hallelujah in the heights above the earth
Hallelujah all His angels
Hallelujah for the last will be first
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Hallelujah in the morning
Hallelujah for the beauty of His scars
Hallelujah in the twilight
Hallelujah sun and moon and shining stars
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
When the night seems so long (throw your hands to the sky)
You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
When you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside
For all your times of laughter
In every hopeful prayer
When the world weighs on your shoulders
Through sorrow and your despair
With everything, with every breath, praise the Lord
Let everything, let every breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything, let every breath praise the Lord
When the night seems so long (throw your hands to the sky)
You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
When you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside
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